According to the terms of its contract, the Willy Wonka Action Figurine is expressly prohibited from impersonating MR. TUBULAR for profit, pleasure, or its personal amusement. Thank you, Ms. Lauper, for exposing a possible infraction of such magnitude. Protecting MR. TUBULAR from duplication is our number one priority, as the health of the entire company rests upon his intact identity.
This helps, in some small measure, to redeem you in the eyes of The Management, who has dedicated far too much valuable tennis time comparing your recent activities with the terms of your contract. We also appreciate your, however inadvertent, exposure of Mr. OfSeagulls' undisclosed location. His capture has led to fruitful negotiations of intellectual property, which hold the promise of boosting share value, as well as improvements in the Jessbot hardware through which any further tampering by yourself or other interested parties would result in immediate adverse electromagnetic consequences to said perpetrators.
Rest assured that no salary increase is forthcoming.
I'm so glad the company values TOMMY TUBULAR's uniqueness! I was kind of worried when I saw that he had competition from the WWAF, and I made an appointment with my therapist right away. Hopefully the news that The Management has his back will get me through until my appointment.
I have to agree. The thought of TOMMY ever subbing out this gig to a 2.5 inch plastic toy is so traumatizing that I instinctively reach out for comfort from the Jungle Party Love-a-Lot Care Bear, or Guido Menudo, whichever happens to be nearer.
I'm so sorry about pulling a Willy on YOU. Please don't tell. I guess while I was at the mall today, The Management was snooping around, and I got some heat over this (well, not just this.) I thought he was in Switzerland or something! Anyway, I should know better than to confuse people about YOUR persona. Won't happen again!
6 comments:
According to the terms of its contract, the Willy Wonka Action Figurine is expressly prohibited from impersonating MR. TUBULAR for profit, pleasure, or its personal amusement. Thank you, Ms. Lauper, for exposing a possible infraction of such magnitude. Protecting MR. TUBULAR from duplication is our number one priority, as the health of the entire company rests upon his intact identity.
This helps, in some small measure, to redeem you in the eyes of The Management, who has dedicated far too much valuable tennis time comparing your recent activities with the terms of your contract. We also appreciate your, however inadvertent, exposure of Mr. OfSeagulls' undisclosed location. His capture has led to fruitful negotiations of intellectual property, which hold the promise of boosting share value, as well as improvements in the Jessbot hardware through which any further tampering by yourself or other interested parties would result in immediate adverse electromagnetic consequences to said perpetrators.
Rest assured that no salary increase is forthcoming.
I'm so glad the company values TOMMY TUBULAR's uniqueness! I was kind of worried when I saw that he had competition from the WWAF, and I made an appointment with my therapist right away. Hopefully the news that The Management has his back will get me through until my appointment.
I have to agree. The thought of TOMMY ever subbing out this gig to a 2.5 inch plastic toy is so traumatizing that I instinctively reach out for comfort from the Jungle Party Love-a-Lot Care Bear, or Guido Menudo, whichever happens to be nearer.
Is Willy Wonka an 80s thing? or is it really a 70s or even 60s thing? Just checking!
I thing that movie just came out a year ago didn't it.
JV
Dear TOMMY,
I'm so sorry about pulling a Willy on YOU. Please don't tell. I guess while I was at the mall today, The Management was snooping around, and I got some heat over this (well, not just this.) I thought he was in Switzerland or something! Anyway, I should know better than to confuse people about YOUR persona. Won't happen again!
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