Monday, October 01, 2007

The Truth about Our Many Wounds

I'm sorry to disagree with the darling Mr. Kendells, but this week we can barely declare an Injury of the Week for all the trials we have endured! See how well we buck up that our road/stage/lifestyle manager didn't even realize the depth of our anguish?


Slipped Tongue. Poor Tommy Tubular. He had more malapropisms than he has in a long time. This could be evidence of his previous tongue injury (from foot in mouth) not responding well to therapy (washing it out with soap.) Larry checked the gear and couldn't find any electronic cause for Tommy's recent vocal impairment. Should we worry that he's in the early stage of AtM Disorder?

Split Fingertips.You and I can laugh all we want about dry peeling splitting skin and make fun of people who buy and use expensive, girly moisturizers. We can think of them as suckers, but when they start slamming those crusty bleeding digits across a keyboard, all I can say is OW OW OW. You better believe Jesse Van Halen was hitting the Spongebob bandages hard.

Scorched Retina. Oh my eyes will probably never recover from the things I saw this weekend. I'm thinking about assembling a team of top ophthalmologists, opticians, behavioral optometrists, vision therapy providers, CGI animators, and corneal topographers.

Menudo Gets the Last Word. So there we were at the end of Saturday night's exciting visit to Tailgater's in Bolingbrook, reminiscing about all the fun we had. Guido smiled as he lifted the million pound steel plates and said he had saved the worst job for last. I was blathering on and on about how amazing it was to get through the whole weekend without anyone being clobbered by those plates. Just then, Guido set the plate down and bent over to hold his shin.

3 comments:

Kendell Welch said...

WOW! I didn't realize you guys could hide your injuries so well! I did notice Tommy's verbal sloppiness, but I merely attributed it to his huffing of guitar polish right before the show.

This week I'll be sure to take Tommy's poish away from him before the show, and instead use it to polish Jesse Van Halen's keys...hopefully that will cut down on his chafing.

I didn't have any retina damage, but I know what you're talking about. I actually did receive a related injury now that I think about it tho...my jaw muscles were over-extended while watching those same dance moves. Whoah.

Lynndi Lauper said...

Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you about my mosquito bite (very very painful!) and Josh's disordered thoughts. These really should count too.

Kendell Welch said...

Hmmm. Well, it turns out that we all had some form of minor injury (be it physical or mental.) I don't think it's anything that a little Vitamin-I or KY-Jelly can't fix.