Thursday, February 16, 2006

What If I Am Injured by the Second "T" in "Hott"?


Due to the recent Bass Players Union takeover of this blog, and owing to their excessive display of forbidden linguistic oddities such as "booty" and "hott," of which they are apparently fully credentialled users, I am beginning to fear for my safety, not to mention job security. What if their subsonic ultraglam wavelength shakes that extra "t" loose, and it smashes me in the forehead like a flying headstock? The Brat Pack had many a fabulous chick singer before me (that's Madawna on the left and Gloria Newton John on the right), and I'm sure they'll carry on without me, but you better pray they don't cut corners by doing drag again.

11 comments:

New Wave Dave said...

You know, Bass players are people, too. Totally bitchin', ultra-cool and fabulous hott people, but you get the point. The fact that all the fans look to us for inspiration during the show - it's just love, and how could you hate that?

Unless, of course, you were low down, double dealin', varmint eatin', hatin', no good, slack jawed, headband wearin' parachute pants flauntin' guitar player.

But we won't get into that...

Lynndi said...

I don't know what you mean by that, Dave! The only guitar players we know are really nice, button their shirts all the way up, say please and thank you so much you almost want to kick them, and would never not ever flaunt their pants. Oh, unless they lost their license to ill with a crappy hand at a far away casino but they were too drunk to realize it. Then I might know who you're talking about.

Sixteen Kendell's said...

I disagree. That look you're getting while you're on stage isn't a search for inspiration...it's to determine your species. They think you're a Homo-Guitarus, but you don't have enough strings.

Hang in there man. Darwin suggests that after enough gigs, enough random mutations might occur that even a Homo-Bassus can eventually/accidentally mutate into Homo-Guitarus.

Lynndi said...

Sixteen Kendells has science on his side. The Homo Guitarus is one of the most well-studied species, so awesome is its transcendent beauty, so remarkable its utilization of opposable thumb and additional strings. Since Mr. Kendells is a skilled practitioner of acoustical probabilities and anthropology, if he say you a couple more strings to qualify for heroism, you know what to do.

Anonymous said...

Whoa, hold the phone. I was totally inspired by that pic of Guido in the bunny suit. And I am qualified to call that HOTT.

Anonymous said...

and booty

Sixteen Kendell's said...

Bunny Suit = # of Strings + 1

Jaybriel said...

Two things:

1, I thought it was Homo Guitaricus.

2, and most importantly, I wish to make it quite clear that we in the scientific community do not feel that the addition of additional strings is enough in and of itself. Under no circumstances should Homo Bassicus be tempted to add strings to his instrument. Homo Bassicus is a tender creature at heart and the temptations to "Shredd" become too much for his delicate temperment when faced with the 5- and even worse 6-string bass. Particularly when made by Ibanez.

Jaybriel

Sixteen Kendell's said...

Homo Guitaricus is an alternate spelling, but equally accurate.

Temptation does not influence genetics. Genetics defines itself.

This is getting out of control...Sixteen Kendells approves.

New Wave Dave said...

The ability to rock harder and longer with fewer strings is merely one of the amazing powers that bass players have.

Amazing thighs and calves would be 2 more.

Sixteen Kendell's said...

I'll concede to that :)