Why, Oh Why

It seems we cannot hang onto friends on myspace. In just one week we went from 1511 to 1505, even bidding farewell to a disillusioned Tiffany in the middle of TiffFest. Why do they abandon us so easily in this, our darkest hour? Is it because we're not very loving and giving and all we ever do is rock? Is it the fart spray? Is it because we liked Brazil too much and then they lost like a bunch of big baby losers who are now being taunted and beaten and ostracized by their countrymen? What, with just 36 hours to the next Pinch Penny extravaganza, can we do to redeem ourselves?