Saturday, July 22, 2006

Larry, There's a Problem!

I don't really know if it's TOMMY "TB" TUBULAR's mic or my headset, but sometimes I hear the weirdest stuff with his vocal. Please check the gear thoroughly as soon as you can, because it's starting to make me wonder about my hearing or even my sanity.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Why Our Lawyer Kicks Butt and Screech's Lawyer Does Not

Our lawyer is so effective that all he has to do is call the Brat Pack of (state name deleted to protect the innocent) and say "Hi, I'm..." and they instantly go out of business. He wishes them luck and hangs up. He starts dialing the number for the Brat Pack of (state name deleted to protect the innocent,) and before he gets to the last digit, they call HIM and start apologizing for not changing their name several months ago when they promised Jesse Van Halen they would change their name (after they asked if they could use our logo, website, identity, and underarmor and were told, "Um, not really.") Our lawyer has the magic touch. And a very cool car.

Screech's lawyer, on the other hand, is a meanie over in New York and doesn't return his calls and says "don't worry" until THE MAN comes to foreclose on Screech's house and now he has to get Howard Stern to kick everyone's ass because Howard is more powerful than all the lawyers in the world put together. Except for ours.

Don't Make Fun of Bots

I learned the hard way not to make fun of the Jessbot 3000 when it's breaking down. My advice to everyone in the front row is: if you've been tickling its stylish toenails or demanding to wear the hat, and then it starts to sputter and flames shoot from its head, you've exceeded the limits of its program, and your best move is three big steps back and run.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

We Stand For Something

He's in Wisconsin, the land of TOMMY TUBULAR's glorious childhood. He was the most important star of a show that technically started in the 80s, making it our business, and three of us met him at NACA when he was feeling kind of sick but signed a photo for Guido anyway. We gotta take up the cause.