Who Can it Be Now?

People are talking. They want to know something, anything at all, about the Pack's transformation. Constantly reliving the Me Decade for well over a decade, this little engine doesn't stop even when a couple of its members (and we mean that with love) do crazy things like grow up.

The sleepy fat caterpillar is about to become a beautiful butterfly! We can't reveal everything yet, but it could be as gnarly as this:



or this:



or even this:



Behold the new face of the Brat Pack.

Scenes from the Summer Teen Jobs Program

If we learned anything from today's Job Shadowing, it's that there's more to this gig than texting while shaving, and it's not even just about making lists of all things 80s, 80s-ish, 80s-esque, and 80s-like.

For example, with a lot of practice and concentration, girls can look almost as good dancing in kilts as Guido does. See how well the Summer Teen Job Shadowers did on their first try?

Then they studied makeup with Lynndi.

I Need a Man!

Searching for Mister Perfect to officiate the Summer Teen Jobs Program Graduation Ceremony, but I don't think the King of Cool is available these days. Who oh who will it be...

Distinguished Alumni of the Summer Teen Jobs Program!

Heathers! Class of 2004...
She's a big star now, of screen and stage, but she still returns our calls and text messages and will even hang out in the back of the van with Lynndi when needed.

D-Boy, Class of 2010,
completed the program six months early and went on to win big dance competitions in this costume! He's a youtube sensation too!

Let's Get Back to Baseball

Now that graduation is over and everyone's almost married, we can focus on America's biggest passion besides 80s music. Here's Tommy as a Cardinal player with Batgirl/boy, Harry Caray, and a Scout. Not pictured are perennial south sider (i.e. Sox) Menudo and Jesse Van Umpire.

What Did You Say, Jesse?

Tommy Was Just Thinking About Something

Point Tommy

This guy's good under pressure.

At last weekend's gig (the fantabulous T-Street by the way!!!), I was prancing/standing around in a series of disconnected, slovenly, desperate costumes not particularly concerned with how anything I wore or did could be tied in with what everyone else was doing. Tommy and Guido actually looked like baseball players, and Josh did his classic Harry Caray stuff, and Jesse was born to be a blind umpire, but I figured "what the heck, they've got it covered, I can just kind of wander here and there stinkin up the place."

I was a black mouse convinced it was really a Cubbie mascot. I was a hot dog on sleeping pills, sticking my arms in and out of the armholes like that's what hot dogs do at a baseball game. I was Madonna in baseball lingerie that looks nothing like the League of Their Own uniforms (a 90s movie, in fact.) We're not going to talk about Michael Jackson Little League Coach anymore. Perhaps I crossed some line as a gigantic rabbit (The Astros, people!!!) eating the inflatable banana over and over again. Well, Tommy's no fool, and he understands the importance of a coherent story line, so he whipped up a really good one right when I was most orbital.

"Hey, it's the Brat Pack's mascot, The Big Hair!"

Get it? Comedy gold, that.

Oh Dear Oh Dear Oh Dear Oh Dear

There's an important music awards ceremony coming up in April. I can't tell you who to vote for, but you should totally vote for Tritone in the category of Best New Artist and Jazz Sandwich as Best Jazz/Blues at the site I won't mention here.I'm disqualified from even voting because word has it that they're going to honor me with a lifetime achievement award for Best Rock Kick in a Miniskirt, but it's supposed to be a surprise, and that's why I'm writing about it here where no one will ever find out.


Anyhoo, long story short, I face a terrible decision, and that is: what to wear? Knowing how very important it is to make the correct impression when pretending to be surprised as one gallops toward one's destiny as a distinguished lifetime achievement prize winning award recipient, I must consider my options with care. A prom dress seems too un-serious, right? Though my closet brims with juicy frocks, are they perhaps too frilly? Not distinguished and prize-winning-ish? What is a rock kicking gal to do?


Ideal would be an ensemble at once elegant in keeping with the occasion, subtle so as not to overwhelm, and capable of communicating my gratitude for the recognition. I think this one gets it.

BP Fitness Guide, Part Eight: Strike a Pose

New Wave Dave AKA Diamond Dave takes a more relaxed yet stylish approach to health and fitness. And it's easy for him since most of his friends are supermodels! With a diet restricted to french fries (no ketchup, please, that's a vegetable!) and a hectic schedule of party-hopping, photo shoots, and clever small talk, Dave has no trouble staying in shape.