Friday, July 25, 2008

It's About Time


Right before a gig, the band discovered their bass player was missing. Eventually the guitar player found him in a back alley beating the heck out of some guy.
Danny: Dude, what are you doing?
Mario: This guy de-tuned one of my strings!
Venckman: But why are you beating him up?
Mario: He won't tell me which one.


Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting to enter heaven. St. Peter asks the first man, "What did you do on Earth?"
Johnny: I was a doctor.
St. Peter: Go right through those pearly gates.
St. Peter, to the next guy.: And what did you do on Earth?
Darth: I was a school teacher.
St. Peter: Go right through those pearly gates.
St. Peter, to the last guy: And what did you do on Earth?
Chewie: I was a bass player.
St. Peter: Go around the side, up the freight elevator, down the first long hallway, through the kitchen, down another narrow hallway...

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Never mind. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand.

How many good bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Good luck trying to find him.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to hold the bulb and two to drink 'till the room spins.


How can you tell if there was a bass player at last week's session?
He's still there.

What does a bass player say when he gets to his gig?
"Would you like fries with that?"


How do you keep a bass player in suspense?

Musician Jokes are Better than Redneck Jokes


Why are so many guitarist jokes one liners?
So the rest of the band can understand them.


What kind of burglar is stealthy and agile?


For some reason, there aren't any good lead singer jokes.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Caught Lip Synching!

I heard that someone said we were lip-synching at the Streetfest, and I thought about how wonderful it would be if that were true. We would have so much extra time, not to mention fewer injuries and better gas mileage, if we didn't have to mess with all that stupid gear for hours before and after every show. (We might still have to help Larry with the PA though. Ha.)

After that I thought how nice it would be to have a voice for talking the day after the show... and if we could have skipped all the vocal cord injuries last year!

Imagine all the lithium batteries we wouldn't have to pay for and recycle if we could just turn off all our wireless equipment and pretend!

And then I remembered that we did have a guest star - the Imposter Madonna - who was lip-synching for like 3.6 minutes while I stood next to her dressed as Darth Vader and did the actual singing behind my evil mask. Well, crap.