Saturday, October 21, 2006

Pat Benatar's Tips on Kicking Ass

1. Wear loose clothing, but not so loose that you fall asleep backstage waiting for the "king" of pop to finish that nonsense.
2. Exploit what may seem their unfair height advantage and deliver gut punches. If a guitar is in the way of the gut, go for the liver. It's a quicker KO anyway.
3. Roundhouse kicks promise smashed noses, which are much more devastating for rock stars, as they tend to interfere with any planned aftershow backstage activities.
4. Apologies are unnecessary, as are accolades. The reward of kicking ass is kicking ass.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Four Brat Pack Babies, NO Missed Shows!!

Welcome Ronnie Tubular!!!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Politics: Ready for a Shuffle-Ball-Change?

Isn't it time for a great tap dancer to take charge of our nation's future? If the 80s taught us anything it was that show biz really translates really well into the global arena. And if you're not persuaded by Mr. Walken's web campaign, consider the scary supernatural coincidences: his real name is Ronnie; like the Gipper, he spent a lot of time in California but actually speaks English; he has the Great Statesman's mastery of hairgel and comb; AND he says weird stuff like, "I make movies that nobody will see. I've made movies that even I have never seen."

I have a suggestion for a running mate who's an even better tap dancer, a man of the world, and my personal 80s hero.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Brat Pack Fashion Police on the Scene

New Wave Dave AKA Rico Tubbs examined haute couture while totally rocking the third floor of Neimann Marcus! My blood runs cold! My angel is a mannequin!

Monday, October 16, 2006

Important Research Completed!

You've Changed 76% in 10 Years

Compared to who you were ten years ago, you've changed a great deal.
In fact, you're probably in a completely different phase of your life - and very happy about it!