Power of the Pack, Part I

The magical powers of Mr. Burns have caused all other Brat Packs to vanish as mysteriously as a plane over the Bermuda Triangle!

What are You Doing this Fourth of July?

I heard that we're going here:



To perform here:









P.S. Recently, some have inquired "What's up with the bananas? How is that 80s? What's wrong with you people?" Let me point out that if you change just a couple of the letters in "bananas" you get "bahamas." Better now?

We're So Grateful to our Photographer

It was our photographer, Brad Daniels (shown here in various shots you can find with a simple Google Image search just like real journalists use,) who broke that hot story on the chaos over at The News Gazette. Brad would know us from other Brat Packs - he has seen us in person before! This made it fairly simple for him to take a look at the photo in this weekend's paper, compare it to his MEMORY of what we actually look like, count the number of people in the band, compare that to the number of people he thinks we have in our band, and, once confident in his conclusion, send us a simple email message checking his theory! Awesome.

Taking Our Hometown By Storm!

This is the News Gazette, a cornerstone of our community.


This is Frank Pieper, Entertainment Editor of the News Gazette.


And this is Kirby Pringle, longtime writer for same.



In spite of our efforts to be in everyone's face all the time, Frank and Kirby and the News Gazette think this is us:

As millions of readers will recall, that was the Brat Pack of North Carolina, who got to know our lawyer just after he made the Brat Pack of Ohio cry.

For anyone else who might not know, this is what we look like all the time even when we're waiting in line for latte.


And this is not us.

Behold Our New Look!

Wow! We finally made it into the local paper! Thankfully, they were able to use a brand new picture showing our new, non-80s, serious artist, extra-people-in-the-band image! We sure hope everyone likes it, because we were thinking that maybe we can develop the "bland" approach more fully in time for our gig in the Bahamas.

Have Korg OASYS, Will Travel!

Help poor Jesse Van Halen get his keyboards to the Bahamas! As it turns out, his organ is just too darn big for conventional shipping and so rare that no one in the Bahamas or Florida or the entire continental US has one available to rent. In fact, when he called Korg for advice on this terrible dilemma, they had no idea what he was talking about and put him on hold forever. He has one pretty good option, and that's to charter a plane just for the keyboard for $11,000, if we can find one in time. Another possibility is to buy him a second one, which would only cost about $9,000. We were just wondering if any of our regular readers happened to have one we could borrow, or maybe if you're thinking about flying your private plane down to Miami on July 2, that would really help us out a lot too.

Like Rain on Memorial Day Weekend

Do you remember in the 80s, how we had never heard of Alanis Morrisette so we all still kind of understood what Irony was? Frankly, I just can't put it together anymore, so I'll look to the Oxford American Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus for clarification.

"Articles made of iron." (Oops, sorry.) Here's "irony," and it says: "humorous or sarcastic use of language of a different or opposite meaning" (so far no help); "ill-timed arrival of an event or circumstance that is in itself desirable." AHA! (I'm sorry, I didn't mean the band AHA, I meant the exclamation representing an epiphany.)

So if I were to say "Isn't it ironic, don't you think, that it's supposed to rain throughout the long weekend that everyone is planning cookouts and outdoor shows and parties and fun in the sun?" I wouldn't be totally wrong because some people would say the rain is a desirable circumstance compared to drought in late May.

Josh of Seagulls Really is a Movie Star!

When Tommy Tubular tells you Josh is from LA where he graced the silver screen, it's true! You can see him in the huge Disney hit movie, The Country Bears!! His line was "All Aboard" or "Order Up" or "Up Yours" or something like that. Every time someone watches that movie, he gets like a million dollars, and that's why we always have cash to throw on people at every show!

Pop Quiz

What rhymes with "Lahamas" and has the Brat Pack playing on 4th of July?


Extra Credit:
If you were Tommy Tubular and you could only bring one thing to the Caribbean, what would it be?

I Guess If We Ever Need Another Keyboard Player

Looks like SOMEONE wants in the game! Watch your back Jessbot, this guy's got connections.

Let's Get Back to Baseball

Now that graduation is over and everyone's almost married, we can focus on America's biggest passion besides 80s music. Here's Tommy as a Cardinal player with Batgirl/boy, Harry Caray, and a Scout. Not pictured are perennial south sider (i.e. Sox) Menudo and Jesse Van Umpire.

Hey SIU!

Oh man, they're gonna graduate and move away and we'll never see them again. At least not all sloppy drunk and stuff.

You Wouldn't Believe Who Told This Joke

Why did Michael Jackson rush over to the KMart?

Because he heard little boys' pants were half-off.

Big Important Meeting = Awesome Plan

Well, Tommy and I just finished our Bahamas Planning Meeting, and wow am I exhausted. What a lot of work! Actually Tommy did all the work, and his ideas were so in synch with my vision for this summer holiday show on the beach that you'd almost think I thought of them!

Anyway, Tommy wants to do Christmas in July. Since we have most of the costumes (including boots, hats, wigs, and beards) already, he's stoked about being Santa Claus. He wants to dress Guido up in the full reindeer fur suit, and Josh and Jesse can be green velvet elves with plush polar bear fur coats!



My friend Jeff, who's played this gig a number of times himself, suggested wearing something kind of light due to the actual temperature in the Bahamas in July, so I might dress up as a beachcomber who just happened upon these morons doing the hits of the 80s on the beach. I was afraid to mention this to Tommy at our very productive meeting tonight because he was so darned excited.

Some Folks Calls it a Wham Line

In the legendary and glorious early days of The Brat Pack, there was a life changing rehearsal when the original four discovered an immutable truth about being Champaign, Illinois' greatest 80s cover band. There existed a line even they could not cross, and that was Wham's "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go." Now, I wasn't there of course, because if I had been, they would have made it through the very first words - "do the jitterbug" - without cracking up so hard they couldn't move on. Probably if I'd been there it wouldn't have seemed funny at all but actually very serious and awesome, and we'd be doing that sweet toe-tapper to this day. Maybe we would now have something like a Vanity Six line instead.

But it happened that way. The "Wham Line" is the one thing you won't do for The Brat Pack. I know that for most of my gazillion readers, it's kind of hard to imagine ANYTHING you wouldn't do for The Brat Pack, but these guys have standards, artistic values, deep sensitivities, even longings for beauty and order in an otherwise chaotic expanding universe.

New Wave Dave declared that his Wham Line is in fact Wham (such a traditionalist) just before he knocked me to the floor in his bunny suit. Jesse Van Halen's Wham Line is Boxcar Willie. Tommy didn't argue when I told everyone his Wham Line was Rock Lobster, but I think he thought I was talking about using differential equations to further distort the medicaid formulary. I imagine the line he won't cross is having a line he won't cross. Josh says he already got kicked out of the Secret Society of the Guys Who Are Too Cool to Dress Like Nerds and Play 80s Pop Hits, so he doesn't care anymore. That's totally what we did to Guido when he said he'd never shave his head to be Mr. T or wear a really cute schoolgirl uniform and be Natalie from Facts of Life, but he looked so hot in both roles. My Wham Line is naked (but not Naked Eyes!) Kendell's Wham Line is death. I tried to find out if Larry had any limits he'd put on what he'd do for us, but he acted real busy like he didn't hear the question.

I Still Don't Get It

But He Really Had to Spell it Out for Me

Suddenly Larry Had an Idea

Can You Repeat That?

I Was Just Thinking About Something

What Did You Say, Jesse?

Tommy Was Just Thinking About Something

Nothing Says Easter Like Peeps Riding Ponies

Doesn't the story of Christ's resurrection make every kid from 8 to 80 dream of pure sugar delights astride color-coordinated steeds? And now that you're in the mood for solemn religious occasions, here comes the Seventh Annual Brat Pack Easter Pageant Extravaganza!

Someone named "Katy M" was responsible for sending this to cuteoverload.com where they know what's good for you.

Tritone vs. Jazz Sandwich

It's on.

At the CUMusic Awards ceremony Thursday, April 5, the Third Most Evil Band will share a stage with that Jazz Combo with the Most Digestible Ingredients, bringing their bitter rivalry to a head. Ever since Tritone challenged Jazz Sandwich to try and play more notes, the training and scheming have divided a once peaceful community, sales of finger cots have skyrocketed, and everyone's turning to Tommy Tubular for advice. I just hope the showdown on Thursday evening settles this matter.


This is Tritone. They're so evil they can stand in snow for a long time without crying. Even when one of them is being mauled by a wolf.


This is Jazz Sandwich. Delicious if you can get your mouth around it.


This is CUMusic, ultimately responsible for the coming shitstorm.

Point Tommy

This guy's good under pressure.

At last weekend's gig (the fantabulous T-Street by the way!!!), I was prancing/standing around in a series of disconnected, slovenly, desperate costumes not particularly concerned with how anything I wore or did could be tied in with what everyone else was doing. Tommy and Guido actually looked like baseball players, and Josh did his classic Harry Caray stuff, and Jesse was born to be a blind umpire, but I figured "what the heck, they've got it covered, I can just kind of wander here and there stinkin up the place."

I was a black mouse convinced it was really a Cubbie mascot. I was a hot dog on sleeping pills, sticking my arms in and out of the armholes like that's what hot dogs do at a baseball game. I was Madonna in baseball lingerie that looks nothing like the League of Their Own uniforms (a 90s movie, in fact.) We're not going to talk about Michael Jackson Little League Coach anymore. Perhaps I crossed some line as a gigantic rabbit (The Astros, people!!!) eating the inflatable banana over and over again. Well, Tommy's no fool, and he understands the importance of a coherent story line, so he whipped up a really good one right when I was most orbital.

"Hey, it's the Brat Pack's mascot, The Big Hair!"

Get it? Comedy gold, that.

Scenes from the Season Opener at Copper

Looking Forward to Baseball Season

Oh yeah. Hot dogs and rain and heat and endless innings and temper tantrums.


I'm pretty sure baseball season is on its way.

Deanna the Party Girl Stumps the Band!!

First Deanna the Party Girl amazed everyone by solving the unsolvable "Heathers" crossword puzzle which sat on our website for almost a year confounding untold millions of visitors. As if that wasn't enough, Deanna then proved to be almost unprizable! Our previous contest booty, although stunning, is just not the kind of stuff she needs or wants, so now we will search the whole house for something of value AND interest to this incredible whiz kid. Wish us luck - she's tough!

Oh Dear Oh Dear Oh Dear Oh Dear

There's an important music awards ceremony coming up in April. I can't tell you who to vote for, but you should totally vote for Tritone in the category of Best New Artist and Jazz Sandwich as Best Jazz/Blues at the site I won't mention here.I'm disqualified from even voting because word has it that they're going to honor me with a lifetime achievement award for Best Rock Kick in a Miniskirt, but it's supposed to be a surprise, and that's why I'm writing about it here where no one will ever find out.


Anyhoo, long story short, I face a terrible decision, and that is: what to wear? Knowing how very important it is to make the correct impression when pretending to be surprised as one gallops toward one's destiny as a distinguished lifetime achievement prize winning award recipient, I must consider my options with care. A prom dress seems too un-serious, right? Though my closet brims with juicy frocks, are they perhaps too frilly? Not distinguished and prize-winning-ish? What is a rock kicking gal to do?


Ideal would be an ensemble at once elegant in keeping with the occasion, subtle so as not to overwhelm, and capable of communicating my gratitude for the recognition. I think this one gets it.

What Does it Mean?

Is this like a greatest hits album or something? I'd never heard of it or seen it until today, and no one else seems to know when they recorded it or what tunes are included. Whoever did the art seems a little confused about the band that contributed so much to the most important decade ever. It's like they had never even seen them or something! Or is this a really obscure joke or some kind of Japanese comic takeoff?