Today's Big Headlines are Like a Time Warp!

Yesterday's superstars have been very very busy making headlines, movies, and sometimes bail. Let's snoop.

Hangin out is Always Hype.

Hollywood Gossip reports that Tone Loc was arrested for domestic violence last Saturday and goes on about his arrest record and professional life, noting that he is "perhaps known for his gravelly voice and laid-back attitude." Perhaps!

Bigger Than Blogposts?
You can barely open a newspaper app on your smartphone without a head-on collision with stars from the 80s! Three of four huge celebs below have something in common. Guess what it is! And the odd man out has also found a way to stay relevant. Try to guess that too. Maybe you'll win some valuable trademarked product for having the best answer!

Hittin the Mall.
If you didn't catch 2011's "Mega Python vs. Gatoroid" starring none other than Tiffany, who really really really can't do anything wrong, then you're nuts! The 80s truly IS the future.

Not only is Tiffany more beautiful and talented than ever, but she gets to hang out with other retirees, such as Dennis Rodman, also in the news for shoving.

Weather Update

40% chance of something Thursday
50% chance of cloud graphic with arrow and stripes Friday
30% chance of shifting tides Saturday
But what do we care? We're not playing outside this weekend.

Hey, That's Not 80s!

Using cutting edge technology, we have succeeded in literally STOPPING time at two separate points, unveiling the shocking truth about a potential relationship between Michael Jackson and a fictional television character of today.

Not yet deceased in the 80s, when this Block Party Beach Party is said to have occurred, MJ could easily have been a deep sea diver without airhoses. Given his trusting personality and love of nature, he might well have danced with a shark.

Our carefully calibrated time-traveling telephotogenetographic instruments have produced documentary evidence suggesting that either MJ traveled into the future to watch the Jack-Tor episode of 30 Rock and take Jack's classic walk moves back to the 80s (undersea) OR that Donaghy paid homage to the master in 2006, which is far less likely, given that 30 Rock is pretend.

Current Weather

It appears to be sunny outside and overcast inside, but there's a 50% chance we have misread the signs.

We Made a Deal with the City

For our big huge Cowboy Monkey Block Party Beach Party show this Saturday in downtown Champaign in Champaign, Illinois, we might not be allowed to set fires, spray fake blood, or dump fifteen tons of sand, but we WILL be allowed to have clear skies.

The City has moved the inclement weather to Friday and promised us a beautiful night of Beach Partying. As long as we don't call it "Street F***" and in exchange for our participation in their new Summer Teen Jobs Program.

We already have two teens lined up for Brat Pack summer jobs but still don't know their 80s names.

The Brat Pack vs City of Champaign

All we wanna do is have some fun!

We're getting ready for the great big Cowboy Monkey Block Party Beach Party in downtown Champaign, in the heart of glorious Champaign, Illinois, homeland of The Brat Pack and all things awesome. We can't call it a "Street-f***" because it's not an official City function. We might be playing one of those official City Streetf****s later in the summer or distant future or alternative reality, and we won't be calling that a "B**** Party" either, lest confusion lead to rioting. But it gets worse...

How can we have fun if the City won't let us shoot fake blood all over their showmobile? That's an important part of our beach-themed extravaganza! Why can't we set little fires inside that nicely contained stage? They're just little, and they make us sound a lot better. Also, the City might NOT allow us to haul fifteen tons of sand to dump along the street to make a temporary beach so that our beach party show is more believable. And simulating a tsunami? Forget it. They have some kind of ordinances. Public safety and other bureaucratic nonsense.

So here is Lynndi Lauper picking a fight with the Mayor of Champaign who won't let us have any fun because it might make a 'mess' or 'disaster' or whatever.

Kick Sand in MY Eye?!?!?

Did you say 'block party' or 'street fight'? On Saturday, June 11, we'll be in the parking lot (off Church Street) right next to the Cowboy Monkey, 6 Taylor Street, Champaign, Illinois. Jump in whenever, 8PM to midnight.

Can They Really Do That in Public?

If anything like this really happened at the Cowboy Monkey BLOCK PARTY on June 11, I hope someone would call the authorities, perhaps even the mayor of Champaign. Just so he doesn't miss it.

Time Future Contained in Time Past?

Our time machine got stuck. As we recalibrate, we have a vision of the future, of a Cowboy Monkey Streetfest to come (June 11), but can't be sure it's not just a sweet sweet memory, of a Cowboy Monkey Streetfest of yore. Who can say.

More Pictures of the Magnetic "I HEART Crack Whores" Bumper Sticker's Vacation in Greece

Here it is lounging on the beautiful sandy beaches and clear waters of the Mediterranean. That magnet sure gets around.

Guess What Turned up at the Acropolis in Greece!

This magnetic "I HEART Crack Whores" bumper sticker, last seen falling off Jesse's van at a truck stop in Kankakee, Illinois, made its way across the Atlantic and hung out at the Acropolis (also on the beach, as we'll soon see.)

Where in the world will it turn up next?

Hey, Rick James. Why the Long Face?

Halloween TKO

BFFs Mean Gene and Bad Pat.

Can I Just Tell This Joke ONE More Time, PLEASE!!!

I love this joke. I saw it on the bathroom wall at the gym. I love it because I can remember most of it, and it's short enough that I don't start cracking up until it's almost all the way out of my mouth.


I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
And then it hit me.

Larry's Halloween Decorations

Sparing no expense, Electric Larry got his porch all ready for those cute little trick or treaters. I wonder what he'll be passing out to the neighborhood tykes this year.

It Looked So Dangerous

What if the guitar had cooties?
What if Tom's tongue was wet, and he got electrocuted?
What if he missed, causing an unconventional tuning?

Shh! You'll wake the spiders.

We'll talk about this later.

It's About Time

Right before a gig, the band discovered their bass player was missing. Eventually the guitar player found him in a back alley beating the heck out of some guy.
Danny: Dude, what are you doing?
Mario: This guy de-tuned one of my strings!
Venckman: But why are you beating him up?
Mario: He won't tell me which one.


Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting to enter heaven. St. Peter asks the first man, "What did you do on Earth?"
Johnny: I was a doctor.
St. Peter: Go right through those pearly gates.
St. Peter, to the next guy.: And what did you do on Earth?
Darth: I was a school teacher.
St. Peter: Go right through those pearly gates.
St. Peter, to the last guy: And what did you do on Earth?
Chewie: I was a bass player.
St. Peter: Go around the side, up the freight elevator, down the first long hallway, through the kitchen, down another narrow hallway...

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Never mind. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand.

How many good bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Good luck trying to find him.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to hold the bulb and two to drink 'till the room spins.


How can you tell if there was a bass player at last week's session?
He's still there.

What does a bass player say when he gets to his gig?
"Would you like fries with that?"


How do you keep a bass player in suspense?

Musician Jokes are Better than Redneck Jokes

Why are so many guitarist jokes one liners?
So the rest of the band can understand them.


What kind of burglar is stealthy and agile?


For some reason, there aren't any good lead singer jokes.

Caught Lip Synching!

I heard that someone said we were lip-synching at the Streetfest, and I thought about how wonderful it would be if that were true. We would have so much extra time, not to mention fewer injuries and better gas mileage, if we didn't have to mess with all that stupid gear for hours before and after every show. (We might still have to help Larry with the PA though. Ha.)

After that I thought how nice it would be to have a voice for talking the day after the show... and if we could have skipped all the vocal cord injuries last year!

Imagine all the lithium batteries we wouldn't have to pay for and recycle if we could just turn off all our wireless equipment and pretend!

And then I remembered that we did have a guest star - the Imposter Madonna - who was lip-synching for like 3.6 minutes while I stood next to her dressed as Darth Vader and did the actual singing behind my evil mask. Well, crap.

more graph humor and song chart memes

Happy Fourth!

I don't really care that we're a week late with this! Enjoy.

Things We Heart

- Super Paper Mario
- World Travel
- Speculating about the identity of the last of the Final Five
- Not getting a haircut
- Rock Island
- Rock Island Brewing Co.
- The Brat Pack Basket at Rock Island Brewing Co.
- Magnetic bumper stickers
- The rapidly approaching one year anniversary of our trip to the Bahamas which ended on the now infamous and astro-numerically significant date 7/7/07
- This jacket

Rock v. Hard Place

Guido and I have it pretty rough. When we're onstage trapped in the middle of the Pack, we have no escape from intimidating visions such as these.




Psychotherapy, meditation, yoga, drugs, ECT, and really dark sunglasses have helped a little, but these days we're tapping into the astro-numeric forces of the benificent universe, hoping the magical number "37" will unlock the space gash and free our minds of crotch-shot anxiety forever.

Getting in on the Meme

It's Internet Traditions Awareness Week all across the blogosphere, and we have nothing better to do than copy off everyone else.



And check this out:



Even Rick Astley knew way back when...



Now you try it!

Happy Wednesday

more graph humor and song chart memes

Your History Lesson: BP v1.5

A very early version (late 96 or early 97) of the Brat Pack in classier days.

Along with Tommy, Guido, and Jesse, this press photo featured the ever lovely Dawna Madawna and Boi Ian, both of whom might drop by around Christmas if we've been very very good.

Your History Lesson: BP v2.125

Behold a second version of the second lineup of the majestic Brat Pack, circa 1998 (one of several 'no chick singer' combinations.)


And then behold the mighty five-piece (Tom, Guido, Ian, Jesse, and Andy Lund!!!) with some hotties over at Lizards Lounge in Bloomington later that evening. Maybe things really were better back then.

I'm So Sorry I Could Cry

There's a really good reason for the lack of blog posts here. But it's a big secret.

The Brat Pack Basket

What a surprise when we got done loading in at RIBCO this Friday and discovered we've finally made it onto their menu!



Here's a close-up in case you don't believe.



If you still can't tell what that said, I'll quote: "The perfect meal for the little kid in you! Home-style breaded chicken tenders served with our breaded Brew City fries and your choice of dipping sauce...$7.99. Dial it up a notch and try blazing Buffalo style...$8.59."

What do they mean by that?

Good Science Uses Diagrams and Stuff

It's Almost Like a Theme or Something

How To Do The Thriller

Anonymous Was Impressed So We're Bringing MORE

How To Do The Cabbage Patch

We're Gearing Up for the Weekend

How To Do The Robot

Come on Down to the Brat Pack Show and Get Your Bling

All the cool kids are doing it.

This is Beau the Rad. He looks good in just about any headgear or eyeglass, so it's not like we're bragging, but come on! What other 80s cover band dresses up the pets?

Tommy Teased the Candy and Made it Cry

Can M&Ms melt themselves if you're really really mean to them? We'll find out.