It's Private Secret Party Time

We can't leave any clues about where we're playing, such as Mount Vernon or Lincoln or Peoria or Davenport or even Springfield.
We can't refer to these events as Christmas parties or holiday parties or surprise parties or company end-of-year recognition dinners or wedding receptions or bar mitzvahs or free dental screenings.
We really can't talk about it at all.

RIP

Goodbye, sweet Heavy D!
We love you.

When We Aren't Working...

Although not necessarily safe for work or ears or even eyes, our latest home movie begins to unravel the mystery of gig injuries, suggesting that the song "Footloose" may not be to blame. Also of value: editing it gave one of us something to do until 3AM on school nights.

You Look Good in Blue... It Goes With Your Skin.

Who's that thinking those nasty thoughts?
That's Vanilla Mike, Mike, Baby.
He was smurfing it up for the Pack's most sacred holiday, which closes out our month of birthdays and anniversaries and contest winner celebrations!

But later some other things happened...

And no one really knows why.

The World's First and Only TWSS Validator, On the Road with US!

He is the only man suited for the job.
In addition to helping the new Brat Pack launch safely, he's unique in all the world for his ability to validate any That's What She Said. Now that we've been taken over by girls we're distorting TWSS beyond recognition (you're welcome), so his support is critical even without an 80s name. Plus he can count to infinity, and he controls cats.

Why Does Angie Get to Hang Out with the Bangles?

Yeah, we're jealous. How come Angie and the Bangles get to have all the fun? Here they are showing off the cool stuff she made for them.

Meanwhile, all we got to do was this.

And this.

And this.

Boo hoo.

Just Thinking About Wrapping All of Their Presents Makes My Head Hurt

Zombie vs. Magical Hair - Who Will Win?

For too long, the Brat Pack has been overwhelmed, tormented, stalked, harassed, and feasted upon by zombies who use spells and evil voodoo potions to get past security.

Last weekend, just when Michael Jackson was about to sample the tasty brains of new Brat Sam Kind of Wonderful, our superhero bass player Alex in Chains rolled in with her magical spinning hair to confuse and repel the most undead of all our special uninvited guest singers.

He retreated in pretend shame, but we know he'll be back, so we're packing lots of hairspray from now on.

Contest Prize Time, Part One

Watch as The Brat Pack ruins a perfectly fine Sunday morning right in front of one of the two Name Sam contest winners.

Other Proud Traditions Won't Die EIther

Just as faithfully as we follow the Rules of the Road and the Second Law of Thermodynamics, the Brat Pack maintains certain bass player traditions in spite of the recent innovation. These include, but are not limited to, a cute skirt, occasional party hats, and intoxicating perfume.

A Proud Tradition Endures

Lynndi Lauper's been showing off for the new people with stubbed toes, ripped hose, minor head injuries, the lightweight stuff of today's more cautious, well-informed Brat Pack. Predictably, no one was impressed.

But last night, Sam Kind of Wonderful brought the Pack back to its roots. During the first song of the night, Footloose, the whirlwind culminated in a serious ankle sprain. At break an hour later, there was no time for first aid or even sympathy, as a downpour directed everyone's attention to protecting inanimate objects. Neglecting Poor Sam's problem for several hours, and even laughing at him and getting video of him limping across the parking lot, let it bloom into today's triumphant, old skool gig tragedy!

It's good to know that some Brat Pack traditions continue...

News and Weather Update

We've just received word that something happened, probably related to the 80s or someone who lived in the 80s, and that there will be weather in the near future, although its style and intensity are difficult to predict.

Meanwhile, we suspect that Alex in Chains' hair and the Aurora Borealis were separated at birth. You decide.

80s Name Contest Is Still Open!

Win this Contest, Save the Day, Do Some Shots!!!

Who Can it Be Now?

People are talking. They want to know something, anything at all, about the Pack's transformation. Constantly reliving the Me Decade for well over a decade, this little engine doesn't stop even when a couple of its members (and we mean that with love) do crazy things like grow up.

The sleepy fat caterpillar is about to become a beautiful butterfly! We can't reveal everything yet, but it could be as gnarly as this:



or this:



or even this:



Behold the new face of the Brat Pack.

News and Weather

Yesterday was pretty hot.
Today too, but we had a brief storm. It screwed up the phone booth time machine and local traffic.

Tomorrow? It's too soon to tell.
Good weather for something or other though.

Gotta Get Back in Time

The future is a pretty rough place, filled with unfamiliar words and symbols and unnaturally shiny hair. Much to our relief, we all got back in time for this weekend's 80s rumpus.

Is It Safe?

Because Guido took the DeLorean on a death-defying, high-speed, cross-country trek with a hot brunette AND a hot blonde, Tom had to rig this 80s classic so that he too could travel through time and make the past tomorrow as awesome as the future yesterday. We're a little worried about Tommy, whose motto is 'close your eyes and floor it' cause we're not sure this little beater really has 1.21 gigawatts of power. Good luck, TT! Make it back safe!

Scenes from the Summer Teen Jobs Program

If we learned anything from today's Job Shadowing, it's that there's more to this gig than texting while shaving, and it's not even just about making lists of all things 80s, 80s-ish, 80s-esque, and 80s-like.

For example, with a lot of practice and concentration, girls can look almost as good dancing in kilts as Guido does. See how well the Summer Teen Job Shadowers did on their first try?

Then they studied makeup with Lynndi.

I Need a Man!

Searching for Mister Perfect to officiate the Summer Teen Jobs Program Graduation Ceremony, but I don't think the King of Cool is available these days. Who oh who will it be...

What's so Great about State Fairs?

First it's the time honored tradition of pairing g-force with untold fried delights.

Followed by the even more epic battle between 80s band and nature...

It will end in tears.

With the Use of Amazing Future Technology, We Now Predict the Weather

Due to the presence of tiny suns and secondary clues "0%" and "NNE11" next to 1PM, 2PM, 3PM, 4PM, 5PM, 6PM, 7PM, and 8PM on a smartphone, it is unlikely that rain will interfere with the Elvis and X-Krush portions of today's Fireside Bar & Grill parking lot extravaganza.

However, an eerie grey moon next to 9PM suggests that The Brat Pack's sets may be a mass hallucination triggered by unexpected visits from outer space aliens hiding behind the lonely luminary.

Unless the moon really is made of cheese and we decide to split it with them.

Future Pack?

Thanks to the insightful critique of someone's upstairs neighbor, suggestions for a new vision of the BP keep rolling in. Here are some favorite possible directions.





All good ideas. How to choose?

How We're Keeping America Free This Independence Day

The Brat Pack is always doing really really patriotic things, like paying taxes, playing 4th of July shows in the Bahamas, helping old ladies across the street, and providing constant reminders of the greatest decade that ever lived. We gave our lifesize Uncle Sam to a sweet little redhaired girl last year because she reminded us of what makes this nation strong and free. We gave away our gigantic inflatable American flag themed beer cooler too because someone needed it a lot more than we did. And for our greatest, most pro-USA act ever, we will eat as much American grown food as possible this holiday weekend, to keep our economy and biceps strong.

Update

We could try predicting the weather, but what do we know.

As for the news, a bad thing happened, much to the surprise of some, and an in-depth investigation may or may not follow.

Distinguished Alumni of the Summer Teen Jobs Program!

Heathers! Class of 2004...
She's a big star now, of screen and stage, but she still returns our calls and text messages and will even hang out in the back of the van with Lynndi when needed.

D-Boy, Class of 2010,
completed the program six months early and went on to win big dance competitions in this costume! He's a youtube sensation too!

Pre-Teen Pre-Vocational Training Program = Success!

An old favorite joke, reinvented by one of the youngest participants in our summer preteen job training program:

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

Up to the Minute News and Weather!

News: (undisclosed location) To welcome the new family, a neighbor made chocolate chip cookies using real butter. They did lick the spoon, consuming a small bit of raw dough, but because the eggs they had used did not contain salmonella, they did not die. This time. However, the spoon was reintroduced into the batter to produce one last sheet of cookies. Although tradition holds that the baking temperature might have been high enough to kill some of that bacteria, there is a chance the new neighbors will get a stomach ache. More on this story at 10.

Weather: some wind was out of control for a while, but now it's not, and there could be rain at some point. Residents are advised to take shelter.

Today's Big Headlines are Like a Time Warp!

Yesterday's superstars have been very very busy making headlines, movies, and sometimes bail. Let's snoop.

Hangin out is Always Hype.

Hollywood Gossip reports that Tone Loc was arrested for domestic violence last Saturday and goes on about his arrest record and professional life, noting that he is "perhaps known for his gravelly voice and laid-back attitude." Perhaps!

Bigger Than Blogposts?
You can barely open a newspaper app on your smartphone without a head-on collision with stars from the 80s! Three of four huge celebs below have something in common. Guess what it is! And the odd man out has also found a way to stay relevant. Try to guess that too. Maybe you'll win some valuable trademarked product for having the best answer!

Hittin the Mall.
If you didn't catch 2011's "Mega Python vs. Gatoroid" starring none other than Tiffany, who really really really can't do anything wrong, then you're nuts! The 80s truly IS the future.

Not only is Tiffany more beautiful and talented than ever, but she gets to hang out with other retirees, such as Dennis Rodman, also in the news for shoving.

Weather Update

40% chance of something Thursday
50% chance of cloud graphic with arrow and stripes Friday
30% chance of shifting tides Saturday
But what do we care? We're not playing outside this weekend.

Hey, That's Not 80s!

Using cutting edge technology, we have succeeded in literally STOPPING time at two separate points, unveiling the shocking truth about a potential relationship between Michael Jackson and a fictional television character of today.

Not yet deceased in the 80s, when this Block Party Beach Party is said to have occurred, MJ could easily have been a deep sea diver without airhoses. Given his trusting personality and love of nature, he might well have danced with a shark.

Our carefully calibrated time-traveling telephotogenetographic instruments have produced documentary evidence suggesting that either MJ traveled into the future to watch the Jack-Tor episode of 30 Rock and take Jack's classic walk moves back to the 80s (undersea) OR that Donaghy paid homage to the master in 2006, which is far less likely, given that 30 Rock is pretend.