Happy Monday, Brat Pack and friends (sic). I hope you slept well because I sure didn't. I kept thinking about how bad it would be to forget to remind ourselves about the top secret bload oath we took in the dressing room at S2X this weekend. New Wave Dave has a Brat Pack related email address, but I can't remember it, so I'm going to have to drive over to Tommy's house and throw rocks at his windows to wake him to ask him the new email address so that I can then post it HERE so that you can send begging letters to New Wave Dave or Diamond Dave or Artsy Fartsy Dave or whatever he is today. Plead, cajole, and threaten the guy to infiltrate myspace.com. DJ Katy said we'd be on there, and I am not willing to cross the sexiest DJ on earth by making her look like a liar.
Then call Guido and ask him to run over to Josh's house to have him call Larry to see if he would be willing to spend his lunch hour driving around Tommy's house honking the horn and running his truck up into the yard in order to wake Tommy up so he can create his profile and see what a mess I've made of things. Tommy is going to be hopping mad when finds out the Jessbot's security was compromised and that the hacker got peanut butter fudge all over Jaybriel's new computer. I am almost finished with the new Jesse Van Halen settings, and the Jessbot 3000 is about 87% recalibrated. The new lube is working like a charm (thanks, Larry!) So tell Tom all of that. I'm going to bed.
8 comments:
Dear Jessbot 3000,
I told Larry the Korg Oasys has a flux capacitor. That was right, wasn't it? He seemed kind of mad.
I am the Lorax.
I speak for the trees
for the trees have no tongues
or teeth or cell phones
I am not the Lorax.
I am not the Jessbot 3000.
There is no Jesse Van Halen, just me, a hacker, and some fudge.
I would like to know what a Bload Oath is. I've never been a part of one of those. No word from the white house. They might be closed today though. By the way, DJ katie is hot, but she's not the sexiest DJ ever. I nominate Larry for that position. He's got a very sexy Ipod and when he's bent over trying to program it on our set breaks, you can sneak a peak at some quality crack. As for the settings on my blogenship, I think it's fixed. Now I can tell you the truth about my wife. I'm not married ladies so don't panic. There's still time. I can be reached via email at reallybigorgan@inyou.com. Talk with you soon.
JV
As promised I've completed the legal research I promised in an earlier comment regarding New Wave Dave's interference with portions of the Jessbot's cognitive program (the urge to rock, not the artificial intelligence software.) I also engaged in deep contemplation of the moral implications of making fun of another man's loss of property, particularly when that property is a life-giving campus staple such as the huge burrito.
The answer in both cases is, I am certain, as long as Larry doesn't know how to use email, it's all cool.
I have forwarded a bill for these services to the Jessbot.
No Jen, just because a guy wants to snuggle with Larry or memorize the way his hair glides across his face when he's hooking up all those cables or move in with him doesn't make him gay! And even if it did, why not have a wife too, for someone who will bring home a whole lot of complaints and concerns and keep a guy sort of, you know, intellectually stimulated between meals so healthy you can't even taste them? I think Jesse's not married because he's too particular. You know, nobody can paint his toenails just the right way and stuff like that.
But you're right about you being a goddess!
Hey New Wave Dave!
I dig your profile. It's eerily reminiscent of the first one Jaybriel did before he started showing off and making the Jessbot look stupid.
See ya!
Maybe Jesse's not married because he IS the Jessbot.
I'd like to clear up this fantasy Joliet Jen is having. First of all I banged like six chicks this morning. At Steak & Shake this afternoon I had sex three times with differnt hot women on the counter, and at dinner I watched lesbian porn. I am married to a women and I live with my Mom. The truth is Larry owes me money and he's an awful person and doesn't even like boxing like me. I was just pretending like I wanted to snuggle him so that you guys could see me in a softer more gentle light. But it's too late for that now. I have to go have sex with four 18 year virgins now. See ya later.
JV
Post a Comment