Thursday, July 27, 2006

Snarkette Takes a Fall (No Tears are Shed)


It's been a busy day. After thorough investigation of Lauper's latest spree, wherein she mocked MR. TUBULAR'S speech impairment, touted our lawyer's talents inappropriately, and used sarcasm to no avail, I have made the (effortless) decision to terminate her contract.

Happily, there is a sophisticated and lovely replacement who is willing to change her name to Lynndi Lauper and gain twenty pounds to fit into the outgoing's wardrobe and who coincidentally knows all five hundred songs (sort of.) The new Lynndi Lauper is not an immature child but rather a submissive and intelligent grown-up. Welcome!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great news!

Jesse VanHalen said...

Finally, freedom on the gigs.

JV

The Devas said...

Unfortunately for you, JVH, the new Lynndi Lauper's contract includes very similar language regarding her monitoring of your conversations, handshakes, hugs, eye contacts, and any other social exchange you may become involved in before, during, and after each performance. You have my sympathy, but this could not be avoided.