Contest Winner with A Weekend Superior to Ours!

Ashleigh Coartney called it, and we believe her. "Umm, im on a movie set, 20,000 sq ft mansion with legit movie stars, doing what I love with awsome people....i win." Even though our weekend exceeded our own super high expectations, Ashleigh sent proof of how amazing she has it these days. See for yourself.

Contest of the Week: Top This!

We think OUR weekend is chock-full of important and exciting stuff, and we challenge you to show us up! The winner, whose weekend is guaranteed to be more awesome than ours, gets a guest spot on our blog and facebook page to boast about how much better they've got it than The Brat Pack.

Why we think our weekend is going to be so great:

Three gigs in a row, followed by a picnic/beach party/volleyball tournament!
Alex in Chains is BACK at BJ's Pump after a long, long time!
The Brat Pack helps kick off some holy matrimony!

Jesse Van Halen debuts new pants!
The Brat Pack returns to Kincaid for its annual festival!
Josh of Seagulls celebrates his birthday!

Alex in Chains celebrates her one year anniversary with The Brat Pack!
Punky Drewster gears up for HIS one year anniversary with The Brat Pack!
Brendan Goes to Hollywood and Lynndi Lauper are scheduled to make a decision!

WHAT DO YOU HAVE THAT TOPS ALL OF THAT????

(Thanks for the pretty pictures, Mr. Eric Frahm. We heart you forever.)

Winners' Circle: Math and Word Problems Solved!

A mere two days ago, our Contest of the Week was announced, presenting the complex challenge of identifying a single word and seven digit sequence, out of infinitely many possible combinations, often spoken by our lead singer and echoed by the rest of us. Within seconds, winning entries were piling up, giving us an unprecedented tie, three runners up, and a legit alternative correct answer!

Donita Hillman-Jacobsen, through her proxy Jamie, was tied for first place with the target answers 's-a-f-e-t-y' and 8675309, and had these brainteasers for us:

"How many drums does it take Josh of Seagulls to play a gig?"

Brendan Goes to Hollywood: Including the secret drums positioned behind the stage and played by Josh's hologram throughout the show, plus the spare snares he has stashed away, approximately 52.3214 drums are needed.

"How many glasses of water did it take Alex in Chains to get through the Fat City gig?"

Alex in Chains: According to the Daily Hydration Calculator, I require 85.5 ounces (2.6 liters) of water per day. With a healthy diet, about 20 percent of water is from food, leaving the need for an additional 68.4 ounces of water, or 2.1 liters, daily. I used exactly 4.2 liters of water, half to stay hydrated and half to keep Punky Drewster's head and shirt drenched throughout the evening.

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Andrea Brenner Greaney, also tied for first place, and Anna Summers and Caron Barnhart, runners up, did not need our assistance with any word or math problem.

Josh of Seagulls: I only count to four.

 

Jesse Van Halen: The word IS the problem.

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Uncle Jeff, Astrophysicist and winner with a surprise alternative answer ('r-o-c-k' in the USA, 8675309), challenged the band with:

"What do you get when you integrate 4/(1+t^2) from t=0 to t=1?"

Punky Drewster: One way to find the answer is to make a right triangle with legs of length 1 and t so the hypotenuse has length sqrt(1+t^2). In this triangle, define theta as the angle opposite the side of length t. This lets sin(theta)=t/sqrt(1+t^2), cos(theta)=1/sqrt(1+t^2), [cos(theta)]^2=1/(1+t^2), and tan(theta)=t. With these relationships, you can show that dt=d(theta)/[cos(theta)]^2 and theta=arctan(t). Then you can change the integral to the integral of 4 from theta=0 to theta=pi/4.

Lynndi Lauper: Another approach is to use complex numbers (ones that contain i, where i=sqrt(-1) and i^2 = -1). You can write 4/(1+t^2)=4/[(1 + i t)(1 - i t)]=2/(1 + i t) + 2/(1 - i t). Then, the integral of 4/(1+t^2) from t=0 to t=1 becomes (2/i)ln[(1+i)/(1-i)] which equals (2/i)ln(i). Then, since i^2 = -1 = e^(i pi), we have i=sqrt(-1)=e^(i pi/2). This gives ln(i)=ln[e^(i pi/2)]=(i pi/2). ln(x) means the natural logarithm of x. The natural logarithm has base e. This lets ln(e^x)=[x ln(e)]=x hold. e^x means e (around 2.718) raised to the x power. ln(e) equals 1. Putting all the pieces together, you end with the integral of 4/(1+t^2) from t=0 to t=1 being equal to pi.

Anytime.

Contest of the Week: Spelling Bee & When is Math Ever a Problem?

For sixteen years, we practiced spelling just one word. Most of us have it now, though some simply repeat whatever the lead singer says. We also memorized a seven digit sequence, with similar result. (Hint: the number is neither pi nor 69).

If you are the first to guess the word and the number we've mastered, you can win a beautiful plastic trophy and our assistance with a word or math problem!

Watch the Contest Judges Flinch

We caught up with Brendan Goes to Hollywood and Josh of Seagulls in some kind of utility closet where they were discussing particle physics. They looked exactly like this as we read off one contest entry after another:

Brucie, Blinded by the Light: "wrapped up like a douche" or "little hurly burly gave my anus curly whirly"
CCR, Bad Moon Rising: "bathroom on the right"
Natalie Cole, I Miss You Like Crazy: "I guess you like gravy"
Bon Jovi, Dead or Alive: "a stale horse I ride"
Men at Work: "Do you come from the land down under? Where women blow and then plunder?"
Madonna: "Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me, I think they're all gay."

We wondered if they were going to punch us in the eye so they could get back to theoretical cosmology, when suddenly we presented:

Bon Jovi, Living on a Prayer: "It doesn't make a difference if we're naked or not," to which O' Seagulls said, "That's how I've been singing it. That's not funny," to which Mr. To Hollywood said, "HA" which counts as a laugh, we think.
 

WE HAVE A WINNER!
Evan Garner, come on down!

We're Reinventing the 80s, So Why Shouldn't You?

Who doesn't love 'misheard' lyrics?

Contest of the Week:
Rewrite a lyric from a popular 80s tune. Send it to us. The author of the entry that can actually make Josh of Seagulls and his twin, Brendan Goes to Hollywood, chuckle wins a real trophy and our undying gratitude!

Here's an example of a misheard lyric that could change the entire past by introducing technology that's already obsolete, setting the bar pretty high:

"She was a fax machine, she kept her modem clean."

Or, if you'd rather keep it simple, just buy the shirt that makes people healthy and happy, while supplies last: $15, Ladies' sizes only.  SOLD OUT!

For the Ladies

We created this pink tank top, featuring our brand new poster art, just for the ladies and just for the summer.

Then we discovered that it had miraculous powers, making men fit and fashionable.

Even supermodels feel happier and more ready for the world when they wear it!

It's way cheaper than a gym membership or hypnosis, so hurry and get yours now while the heat and our limited supplies last. ($15 - Ladies' sizes only) SOLD OUT!

Contest Result: Art Wins!

"He's a 70-year-old publisher/editor/newsboy living between Hither and Yon that listens to RHCP and loves God, animals and pines for the ol' days at Les's Lounge..." That's Art Jones' answer to last week's contest question: "What is Art?"

Now that we understand as never before, we will sharpen our lasers for the big game.

Contest of the Week: What is Art?

During last weekend's big show, some of us got separated from Jesse Van Halen and Josh of Seagulls, AKA "the guys with all the answers." We saw something shiny.

Brendan Goes to Hollywood warned us to approach with caution because "It might be art."

In case it really was art, we censored it.

But this traumatic experience, or this one, left us curious, and now we need to know the answer to this week's Trivia Question: "What is art?"

If you can illuminate us, you will win the Prize of All Prizes! Lazer Tag with The Brat Pack!

Happy Reverse Lucky People's Backwards Day!

Two members of the Brat Pack were born on Friday the 13th. Here's a clue.

But the significance of this day doesn't end there. Oh no. Our beloved flight instructor and dance overlord, Anthony D-Boy AKA Bro Jovi, was not only born on Friday the 13th, he was born on JULY 13. We did some research and learned that, because today IS July 13, it might also be his BIRTHDAY on top of everything else!

We are rebuilding the Love Float in honor of this important holiday. Because the first one was made of ice cream and melted, we're moving on to Jello Shots. We believe that with advanced technology, we will be able to 'stand' on the jello float (i.e., glide above it) as we ride around town smashing mirrors and running under ladders with this cute black cat, who really did eat some homework.

Don't worry. We will always find a way to make whatever we're doing seem like official 80s business.

News, Sports, and Weather

News
It's been so long since we checked in with Anonymous, who used to be in the band. I wonder what she's doing. Other blogs we forgot about for a long time include the JessBot Tracker, the Bigfoot Poetry Slam, and the Constant, Boring Workout Update blog.

Sports
Hey, remember how funny it was last summer when, on Tommy Tubular's very last gig, his guitar solo made the power go out for the entire Lincoln Arts Balloon Festival, and then we waited an hour in the dark while Larry and Company performed a miracle and got us back online? This summer is turning out to be a laugh riot too, with all of our outdoor gigs happening when it's over 100 degrees. If you can take it, you ought to come out just to witness the freak show of us prancing about in leather and vinyl with stage lights. We're so crazy from dehydration that we'll probably give you a million dollars.

Weather
The Love Float we were making for July's birthday parade melted in the sun because we made it out of ice cream. Oops. So then we tried a gigantic cookie dough float, but we ated it.

Oh, crap.

Here's to Your Independence!

Hey there, Uncle Sam, hiding behind the black velvet curtains.

Happy Anniversary/Birthday/Day of Declaration! Thanks for everything, by the way.

We're going to the Original Pancake House to get the party started. And then again later with the winner of our "Tell Us What to Do for Nate Jones' Birthday" Contest.

UPDATES: News, Sports, Weather, and Science

News
Apparently, we're not the only ones reinventing the 80s. While facebook and twitter went wild mid-week with the fake news that Marty McFly had arrived, we were getting a haircut.

Sports
Probably not worth explaining because she's still going to punch Brendan Goes to Hollywood in the face (a necessary part of the show), but it gives new meaning to U+Ur Hand.

In unrelated sports news, we've received confirmation that reigning dance champion Bro Jovi will make an appearance at our gig Friday night at Fat City to defend the title, the crown, and the glory! Good luck, B-Boys and B-Girls - he's been undefeated since forever.

Weather
Yeah, we heard about the chance of rain and the reality of heat, but we don't even care! The Brat Pack loves nothing more than sweatin' to the oldies (and the almost oldies.) Fat City's beautiful beer garden and the sexy folks who show up there are more than enough motivation for us to take on the extreme temperatures, scattered sprinkles, thunder, lightning, and possible BO. In fact, the messier the better.

Science
Given all that is known of statistics and graphical representation, we think the following represents the ultimate research accomplishment.

Have a kickass weekend.

Reinventing the 80s, One Logical Proposition at a Time

A wise man once told us that whatever wikipedia says is true. Then he said that wikipedia said that the 80s started in the late 70s and had no real clear endpoint. Alex in Chains herself could therefore be said to have started in the 80s, even though her birthdate includes no 8. If Alex started in the 80s, then whatever she plays or sings must be 80s music. Similarly, Punky Drewster, star of the hit youtube series "Talk to Punky", and Brendan Goes to Hollywood, AKA Orange Guy, were almost certainly born in the 80s so that wherever they go, a rainbow of orange and purple trails along, covering the land with 'almost totally 80s' goodness. Plus we have a new t-shirt for sale, appropriate for warmer climates and all genders.

News and Weather and Gossip, Including Changes We've Made to the 80s

News: Something might have happened or be happening soon.

Weather: A mighty wind took over our bass player's head, but it was not related to the breaking news about the zombie apocolypse.



Gossip: Everyone is on some kind of diet or exercise plan, but for some reason they won't ALL blog about it.

Changes We've Made to the 80s: So far we have dragged the 80s through the 90s and the 00s and are hopeful that they will also survive a 10s transformation. There may be complications, but who cares.

Table for Four

Wonder What They Do...

If Only This Had Been OUR Idea

This would be the best band uniform ever.

Talk to Punky Series Finale

The truth.

Talk to Punky, Episode Twelve

Talk to Punky, Episode Eleven!

Talk to Punky Returns!!

Poor Lynndi Lauper, cut out of the action by Sam Kind of Wonderful, proud new owner/director/producer/star of Talk to Punky. At least the series is saved and quite possibly better than ever, now featuring a real celebrity guest star and some lightly dressed ladies. Take that, Lauper.

A Terrible Turn of Events

We knew tensions were high, but wow.

Let Punky Talk

You probably remember our hit series, "Talk to Punky," and how everything started going bad a couple of weeks ago. "Let Punky Talk" is part one of the two part documentary exposing the awful truth.

Our Video Series Hits the Skids

She Did NOT Just Say That

The punchline has been deleted, but we are confident that you can guess it.

Boi Ian Returns with Words of Wisdom from the Future!

He learned a lot while he was away and shared some of that knowledge with Punky just before the big homecoming show!

Sam Talks

Those cookies must have been spiked.

Oh Dear

Now Even Joe Has Something to Say to Punky

Alex in Chains Talks!

Talk to Punky. He Listens.

Episode One



Episode Two



Where will it end?

Transfers of Awesome Powers!

This year's Brat Pack Christmas Party was full of sacred ceremonies as we rang in the new. Alums Tommy Tubular, Guido Menudo, and New Wave Dave AKA Diamond Dave stopped by to assist with the transfer of superpowers to new Brats.

Here's Punky Drewster chillin with a fancy cigar prior to his "High Five Pre-Ordination" by the Holy Reverend Tubular. With the paperwork completed, Punky can officiate at weddings, funerals, fundraisers, and proms, and his wise words of wisdom will sparkle all across the land. Tip your bartenders, for sure.

Then someone dragged out the dirty old Ibanez, symbolic of all much-loved and fondled guitars, and in an impressive triple-lick, our founding father empowered rock badasses 'Sam Kind of Wonderful' and 'Brendan Goes to Hollywood' with guitar infinity. They shredded til the break of dawn.

Meanwhile, in another room and perhaps another dimension, veterans Guido Menudo and New Wave Dave AKA Diamond Dave held a low end, four to five string summit with shooting star Alex in Chains. The powers of the bass are too cryptic and magical for witnesses to understand, but no sub woofers were harmed in Alex' initiation. This is what it probably looked like.

And this is probably what Alex is doing today.

At the end of the party, Lynndi Lauper sealed the deal with our traditional 'every time we get together, someone gets hurt' move, this time thanks to excessive dancing. So now if you see her hobbling around on a cane and weeping, you'll know for sure that the Brat Pack's awesome superpowers have been conferred to the Next Generation, and the 80s will never ever ever have to end. Happy New Year to you too!

Need Help with Your New Year's Resolution?

The Brat Pack always has your best interests in mind, so our fittest member has put together an instructional video that's guaranteed to get you into great shape sometime after NYE.

Why The Brat Pack Holiday Show is Scarier than Halloween

It starts with scary elves and fairies and toys.

And then a giant cookie tries to intimidate you.